Wednesday, August 5, 2009

High Hopes

Girl on bus: We'll go straight to the top and stay there. Just like Cyndi Lauper.

Another broken phone?!

You go through phones like Luke goes through vodka.


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Rapist's Wit

C: Why do they call it 'a rapist's wit'? That's really horrible.

F: Softens the emotional blow if you tell a joke during.

C: Like 'I'm usually bigger, I swear. I'm just cold.'

F: Oh god. We're going to hell.

C: See you there my friend.

F: I'll be the one holding up the queue complaining about the mix up.

Dream Job

That's guy that touches up porn just got on my bus!

- Zara

Here's Hoping

My wallet turned up in Pearse Street Garda station. Do you think someone maybe filled it with money?

- Gillett

Model Employee

I've drank two red bulls, and one bottle of water. That's 8 quid, plus the 80 they're paying me. I've pulled two pints at 6 quid each meaning at the moment they're operating a 76 euro loss on me personally. So far so fucking good.

Forgot about food. 91 quid loss. Tossers.

- T working at a music festival bar

Hangover From Hell

Ian: Carla I'm dying.

Carla: Me too. This has got to be worse than people with swine flu.

Ian: Those lucky cunts.

Show Some Respect

I could hit Bono with my shoe from here.

- Fin on his prime position at U2 in Croke Park

Service With A Smile

Guy in the queue for the nightlink ticket seller:

'Could I have 2 tickets please...and a smile?'

The guy smiled forcefully. Fucking hilarious!

- Zara