Work Ethic

Work was grand, the manager gave me a manager badge so I was pretending I had power all night. It was quite corrupting. I can see what happened to Hitler.

- Gillett
- Illustration by Eoin O'Sullivan

History Lesson

Tall and blonde? Sounds like Hitler would have loved him.

-Sandy

Bad Christian

They don't serve communion with Singapore Slings here.

-Mark still drinking in a church

Good Point

But I mean, do you want to look like a million bucks tomorrow or a million shits?

-Carla being the voice of reason on going home early and not staying out the night before the Trinity Ball

Good Christian

I'm drinking in a church. At least I didn't miss mass today!

-Mark

What's The Plan?

Kev: What's the plan for before the Trinity Ball?

Ian: Pints, collecting tickets and then a bbq beforehand.

Kev: Before what?

Kylie Minogue

Zara: I fucking love Kylie.

Dave: I would love to make fucking with Kylie.

What's That Over There?

I was just sitting down watching the TV there, when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was a spider crawling on my hand. I soiled my trousers.

- Ralph

Good Question

If a guy could and does suck himself off, does that make him gay?

- Andy

Lucky Girl

Looks like you have an admirer who gets the bus from Camden Street...

- Andy

Drinking Alone

Here what are you doing cos there's no one in my house and there's cans in the fridge and if I'm talking to you it's not drinking alone. Oh god I'm gonna go open one maybe.

- Fin at 6am

*Shudder*

I just had one of those horrible moments when your finger breaks through the toilet paper.

- Ciaran

Social Drinks 7

I'm in hideous amounts of pain. I feel like someone raped my face with a cocktail.

-Carla

Social Drinks 6

They say it was the complimentary bottle fo Proseco and international phone shots with Mark that did the damage.

-Carla

You Philistine!

You wouldn't know culture if it raped your family.

-Donal

Best Of Luck

Good luck tonight, remember you guys put the J in DJ. And the D.

-Ralph

Lucky He'd Get It

Zara: Brody Jenner's new programme is shocking. He's lucky he'd get it.


Carla: I suppose it was expected to be shocking. The man wears one leather glove when he goes clubbing in Vegas for God's sake. So lucky he'd get it.

Do My Shoulders Look Fat In This?

I'm in a changing room and I just heard a woman say "It just doesn't do justice to your shoulders." Sometimes I am ashamed to be female.

-Carla

So How Was Work?

Some Millie grabbed my ass, a gay guy complimented my 'big arms' and one of the lads in work said when I'm around, he constantly feels like he's about to be poisoned. But all in all, a good night.

-Gillett

Like A Sale At Powercity...

Hey, so if you want a booty call, just give me a buzz! This weekend only, everything must go!

-Anonymous

So Thats What He's Saying...

This is what I thought they were saying in the song: "Let me see that fancy footwork" = "Let me hear that man say flip flop."

-Paddy

I Hate You

I just made you look at your phone for nothing. Its great being in control. I just wasted 0.03% of your battery. Who's my bitch? You're my bitch!! Now put the fucker down and get on with your business til I need you again.

-Donal

Is It? Is It Really?

I really regret not hooking up more when I was still in school, I just didn't see the urgency. Now those day are gone and I can only lament them. And stare at school girls. Its not pervy, its romantic.

-Ralph

Don Juan

Sugarcoat me tonight, and I'll make your dreams come true.

- A text Donal received from his straight basketball teammate

I Just Wanna Go Home

I've been waiting for a taxi for ages. I'd even take a lift from a rapist at this stage.

- Anonymous

So The Gig Is Good Then?

We got refused from the bar, refused from the pit and there are scary hairy men down here.

-Lisa at Kings Of Leon